just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
