god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do herpes really smell.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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