You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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