guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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