A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
