a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you still have your period?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
