I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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