In the future we'll all be gay
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
