census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
