I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
