Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
