I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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