why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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