Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
