I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
