Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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