you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
