Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
