Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
