where does the pee come out of this thing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
