smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
