Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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