bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
