Someone shit on the floor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
