Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
