I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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