i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
