Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
