Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Too much gin, very little bucket
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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