If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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