If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
