I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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