Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
