first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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