Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
