Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
