you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
