She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
