Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
