I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
