had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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