This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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