i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
