I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
