I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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