shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
