is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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