Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
