I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
