Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
