You just made me feel so damn special
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
